the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
