thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You're like the curious george of whores
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
