I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
