Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
