a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
