Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
