I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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