Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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