I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
