every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize