clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
