I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
