you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
