I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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