your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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