My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
