i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize