I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
