The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
