I feel great
I just peed on a car
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
