hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
