I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize