so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
