Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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