Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize