I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You were trust falling into bushes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
