we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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