if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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