Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
