I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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