google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
