i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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