im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
