Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize