Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
