I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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