the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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