why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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