Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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