this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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