thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
