This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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