we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
God, I missed his penis.
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