don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
