I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
