I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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