I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
