i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he was CRYING into my vagina
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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