oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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