I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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