There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I intend to get homeless drunk
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
