I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
