Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
