Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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