Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
