Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
