Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
