Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
