Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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