As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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