I am full of burrito and curiosity
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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