I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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