Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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