He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
