i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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