I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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