we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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