oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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