So drunk its hurt
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
