In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
