Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
