NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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