I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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