Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
