Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
