My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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