i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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