I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
