his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
