you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
