It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
