Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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