I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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