The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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