Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
