Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
