I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
