i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
