She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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