Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
