looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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