Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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