I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize