I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Less talking, more tequila
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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